Friendships are such a wonderful and special part of life. From memory making to going through the highs and lows with your peers makes life so much richer. As a child, learning social skills and how friendships fit is a huge learning curve as they go through their childhood and find their ‘people’. As a parent, how do you connect and how do you teach your kids basic social skills and about what a great friendship can be?
Today Janine is joined by Caroline Maguire and in this episode they discuss:
How do we teach our children social and emotional awareness in a fun and play filled way? Eventually our children will become adults so when they walk out into the world, we want them to step into their lives as aware and in control of their emotions as possible.
In this episode we discuss:
The transition to preschool to elementary school can be such an anxious time for both parents and for the children. There’s a lot of unknowns to get them ready for and sometimes we think there’s lots we have to do to prepare them for starting. Today we discuss what you can do to help reduce anxiety for your little one with nursery practitioner, Caroline Allen.
In this episode they discuss:
You’ve taken the time to set up a playdate. You found a potential friend, you invited them to play at your house or at a playground and things are going really well. Then, something unexpected happens. Maybe it’s an argument, yelling, or even hitting (eek!!). What do you do?
I recently found the website of Annie Fox, M. Ed., which is full practical advice for teens, parents and educators! Annie Fox, M. Ed. has written a new book for elementary school aged girls about dealing with friendship issues called Girls Q&A Book on Friendship. As a school counselor, I would have used this book all the time! This book answers questions that I was faced with on a regular basis. The social scenario for girls is complex and ever changing. This is a great book for girls to read to know that they are not alone, and gives them practical advice for dealing with real life situations.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a review of the book It’s So Much Work to Be Your Friend by Richard Lavoie. I absolutely love this book, and I wanted to focus in particular on one of his interventions that can help kids learn from their social errors in the moment - The Social Skill Autopsy. Addressing a social misstep and using it as a teachable moment is a great way to help kids identify what went wrong and what they could try again the next time.
If your child is trying to figure out who would be a good friend, or who would be a good peer to invite over for a playdate, start by talking with them about what to look for in a friend. There are so many different attributes your child might want in a potential friend, but they may not always be the best things to look for in someone. If your child is having a hard time making friends, they might say they’d like to be friends with the most popular child or the one that has the biggest, coolest stuff in their house. It makes sense to talk about attributes and characteristics they want to see in someone they’d want in a friendship. Here is a brief list of characteristics you can use as a starting point for a conversation about attributes in a good friendship:
I read this book several years ago; I loved it then and I continue to recommend it to parents as a great guide to understanding the world of girls. I also saw Rosalind Wiseman speak in person several years ago, and I found her to have a down to earth, practical and reasonable approach to working with kids in these tough relational situations. She doesn’t claim to have all the answers or say that these things won’t happen. But she does have some ideas of how to work through things and is great at explaining things in a way that parents understand.
Book Review: Best Friends, Worst Enemies Understanding the Social Lives of Children by Michael Thompson, PhD and Catherine O’Neill Grace with Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD
This book is a thorough examination of children’s social lives, from infancy through dating. The authors explore more specifics of how children develop friendships, manage and work through conflict, group dynamics, teasing and bullying. The only thing I think is missing in this book is that the authors do not delve too deeply into LGBT issues, and I think that adds a whole other dynamic to social lives, friendship and dating. Here are my highlights from the book:
Play dates are a popular way for kids to get together and hang out, but some kids struggle on play dates. If you think your child may have difficulty on a play date, it may work best to have a first play date with a new friend at your own house. Your child may feel more comfortable in a familiar environment. You’ll be able to keep an eye and ear out during the play date so you can step in if things start to break down. Here are some helpful hints when setting up and hosting a play date at your home.
